If you texted me a year ago, I probably didn’t respond. If you text me now, I will respond. Just not in a timely manner. The simplest explanation for my horrendous flaw is I am not attached to my phone. I only check my emails twice a day, scarcely browse social platforms (how ironic?), and am embracing the sound around me by unplugging.
But enough of me justifying my lack of cellular dependance. That’s for another day. Back to the main topic of today’s piece.
I think the bravest thing I’ve done in a very, very long time is honestly turn down an invitation.
A couple of days ago, a friend invited me to hang out. I really wanted to go, but was at a crossroad. On one hand, I’d be around good company. On the other hand, my anxiety had been looming all afternoon. I knew it’d be good to go out and do something new, but I also knew that I was just too anxious to face the world.
So, I responded with “my brain isn’t working today”. If it was a year ago, I’d stare at the text and profusely apologize days later for responding untimely. However, now a year later, I am able to considerately apologize. Truth be told, I spent a solid ten minutes contemplating if I should even put out my baggage, but knowing my friend, he’d understand. If you’re reading this, thanks, man. I aspire to be as selfless as you and hope you know that everything you set your mind to can be accomplished.
You taught me that, by the way.
I’ve come a long way from where I was eighteen months ago. There are days where the desire to crawl into bed is infinite, but there are days where I can smile (with teeth!) at a stranger. I am now more in tune with my feelings and learning how to express them articulately. Yet, sometimes, articulation can be a hindrance, so I just let my voice out and ramble until I can organize my thoughts. Kind of like now.
I just hope to reach a point in my life where I do not feel guilty for the days I feel anxious and sad and can truthfully I express how I feel. It’s definitely a process, but a worthy one. Here’s to discovering self-expression and embracing self-love.
Song Recommendation of the Post (SRP): Lite Weight – Anderson .Paak